Mogre (miniquest)/Transcript

Them

 * Player: Are you all right? You seem a little...incoherent.
 * Skippy: Inc'hearnt? Inc'herant! You...you...with yer fancy book lernin' words. You'd be more than inc'herant if youd seen...
 * Skippy: (Dramatic pause)
 * Skippy: THEM!
 * Player: I'm sure I would as well.
 * Player: I'm going over here to talk to non-crazy people now.
 * Skippy: Yeah? Yeah? Well when THEY come floppin' into your house and eat your furniture you'll be sorry!
 * Player: Who are
 * Player: (Dramatic pause)
 * Player: THEY?
 * Skippy: They! Those bloodthirsty, flesh-tearing devils! They are the reason I'm out here every day hurlin' bottles into the sea!
 * Skippy: They are the reason I've lost everythin, except the horrifying memory of what THEY look like...
 * Player: And what do THEY look like?
 * Skippy: Mudskippers!
 * Player: Mudskippers?
 * Skippy: Aye, Mudskippers! Those ferocious, ravening, evil, beady-eyed terrors of the deep!
 * Player: I...see...
 * Skippy: I was ambushed by them way back, see. They got the drop on me...I can't remember where, somewhere around here though.
 * Player: Those would be the mudskippers, right?
 * Skippy: Aye! The mudskippers! Huge they were! Ten feet of glistening, muddy flesh floppin' towards me with white foam flying from their gnashing fangs!
 * Skippy: I fought them up and down the beach, with the tide rising and more of them leaping towards me with cutlasses drawn!
 * Player: This is fascinating, but I have to be...
 * Skippy: Shut yer' word-hole and listen! I can't remember all the details, as I'm sure they must have hit me quite hard, but the last thing I remember before it all went black...
 * Skippy: ...was one of those devils rearing over me, its eyes glowin' red with the fires of hell!
 * Player: Fires of hell...right. I believe you.
 * Skippy: No you don't! You think I'm crazy, like all the rest! Well, if I'm crazy, how did I get these?
 * Player: Get what?
 * Skippy shows you what appears to be massive bite scars on his legs. You're no expert, but they look like... giant mudskipper bites!
 * Player: Giant mudskipper bites! Where did you get those?
 * Skippy: I can't remember... I've been drinking to forget the horror, and all I seem to have forgotten is where it all happened...
 * Player: Hmmm...I suppose if I sober you up you may well start to recall.
 * Skippy: You'll have a job. I've been drinking this for a week.
 * Player: 'Captain Braindeath's Extra Strength Rum/Drain Cleaner. Now 50% more debilitating?
 * Skippy: It's the extra sheep tranquilizers that gives it that added kick!
 * Player: Stay here and I'll be right back. Try not to move. Or go near any open flames.

Nettle tea

 * Player: You know, I could shock him out of it if I could find some cold water...
 * Player: Well, I could dump this bucket of water over him. That would sober him up a little...
 * Throw the water!
 * Player: Hey, Skippy!
 * Skippy: What?
 * Skippy: Ahhhhhhhhhgh! That's cold! Are you trying to kill me?
 * Player: Nope, just sober you up. Memory coming back yet?
 * Skippy: No. But I could do with a bowl of tea to warm myself up a bit. Go grab me one and we'll talk.
 * Player: Any particular type of tea?
 * Skippy: Nettle for preference. Just make sure it's hot.
 * Skippy: And don't throw it at me!
 * Player: What's your problem? You're all clean now.
 * I think I'll leave it for now.

Talking to Skippy again

 * Player: Hey, Skippy!
 * Skippy: Gaah! Don't drench me again!
 * Player: Hey! I only did that once! Try not to be such a big baby!
 * Skippy: So, what are you here for then?
 * Player: No real reason. I just thought I would check up on you is all.
 * Skippy: Well, I'm still wet, still cold and still waiting for that nettle tea.

The hangover cure

 * Player: Hey, Skippy!
 * Skippy: Gaah! Don't drench me again!
 * Player: Hey! I only did that once! Try not to be such a big baby!
 * Skippy: So, what are you here for then?
 * Player: I've come to give you your tea.
 * Skippy: Excellent! I was thinking I was going to freeze out here!
 * Skippy drinks the tea and clutches his forehead in pain.
 * Skippy: Ohhhhh...
 * Player: What? What's wrong?
 * Skippy: Not so loud...I think I have a hangover...
 * Player: Great...Well, I doubt you can remember anything through a hangover. What a waste of nettle tea...
 * Skippy: Hey! A little sympathy here?
 * Skippy: Owwowwoww... must remember not to shout...
 * Skippy: Look, I do know a hangover cure. If you can get me a bucket of the stuff I think I'll be ok.
 * Player: Wait... is this cure a bucket of chocolate milk and snape grass?
 * Skippy: Yes! That's the stuff!
 * Player: Ahhh. Yes, I've made some of that stuff before. I should be able to get you some, no problem.

Talking to Skippy again

 * Player: Hey, Skippy!
 * Skippy: Egad! Don't you know not to shout around a guy with a hangover?
 * Skippy: Ahhhhhg...No more shouting for me...
 * Skippy: What is it anyway?
 * Player: I just came back to ask you something.
 * Skippy: What?
 * Player: How do I make that hangover cure again?
 * Skippy: Give me strength...Here's what you do. Pay attention!
 * Skippy: You take a bucket of milk, a bar of chocolate and some snape grass.
 * Skippy: Grind the chocolate with a pestle and mortar.
 * Skippy: Add the chocolate powder to the milk, then add the snape grass.
 * Skippy: Then bring it here and I will drink it.
 * Skippy: Are you likely to remember that or should I go get some crayons and draw you a picture?
 * Player: Hey! I remember it now, ok! See you in a bit.
 * Player: Why do they call you 'Skippy'?
 * Skippy: I think it may have something to do with my near-constant raving about mudskippers.
 * Skippy: That or it's something to do with that time with the dress and the field full of daisies...

Identity revealed

 * Player: Hey, Skippy!
 * Skippy: Egad! Don't you know not to shout around a guy with a hangover?
 * Skippy: Ahhhhhg...No more shouting for me...
 * Skippy: What is it anyway?
 * Player: Well Skippy, you will no doubt be glad to hear that I got you your hangover cure!
 * Skippy: Gimme!
 * Skippy chugs the hangover cure... very impressive.
 * Skippy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
 * Skippy: Much better...
 * Player: Feeling better?
 * Skippy: Considerably.
 * Player: Then tell me where the mudskippers are!
 * Skippy: I wish you wouldn't go looking for them. Those vicious killers will tear you apart.
 * Skippy: It's all becoming clear to me now...
 * Skippy: I was fishing using a Fishing Explosive...
 * Player: A Fishing Explosive?
 * Skippy: Well, Slayer Masters sell these highly volatile potions for killing underwater creatures.
 * Skippy: If you don't feel like lobbing a net about all day you can use them to fish with...
 * Skippy: But this time I was startled by what I thought was a giant mudskipper.
 * Skippy: What it was, infact, was a...
 * Skippy: Dramatic Pause...
 * Skippy: A Mogre!
 * Player: What exactly is a Mogre?
 * Skippy: A Mogre is a type of Ogre that spends most of its time underwater.
 * Skippy: They hunt giant mudskippers by wearing their skins and swimming close until they can attack them.
 * Skippy: When I used the Fishing Explosive I scared off all the fish, and so the Mogre got out of the water to express its extreme displeasure.
 * Skippy: My head still hurts.
 * Player: I take it the head injury is responsible for the staggering and yelling?
 * Skippy: No, no.
 * Skippy: My addiction to almost-lethal alcohol did that.
 * Skippy: But if you are set on finding those Mogres just head south from here until you find Mudskipper Point.
 * Player: The mudskipper-eating monsters are to be found at Mudskipper point?
 * Player: Shock!
 * Player: Thanks. I'll be careful.

Post-miniquest

 * Player: Hey, Skippy.
 * Skippy: Hey you!
 * Player: How do I annoy the Mogres again?
 * Skippy: Go south to Mudskipper Point and lob a Fishing Explosive into the sea. You can grab the mfrom the Slayer masters.
 * Player: Thanks! So, what are you going to do now?
 * Skippy: Well, I was planning on continuing my hobby of wandering up and down this bit of coastline, bellowing random threats and throwing bottles.
 * Skippy: And you?
 * Player: I was planning on wandering up and down the landscape, bugging people to see if they had mindblowingly dangerous quests for me to undertake.
 * Skippy: Well, good luck with that!
 * Player: You too!
 * Skippy: Weirdo...
 * Player: Loony...