Recipe for Disaster/Another Cook's Quest/Transcript

Déjà vu

 * Player: Do you have any other quests for me?
 * Player: That last one was so much fun, I was hoping you would!
 * Cook: Ooooh dear. I might have, but it's embarrassing...
 * Player: Embarrassing? How do you mean?
 * Cook: Weeellll... You know I told you that it was the Duke's birthday?
 * Player: Yup, that's why I had to go and collect you things to make a cake with wasn't it?
 * Cook: Yeeeeesssss... Weeeelllll...
 * Cook: It isn't. I don't even know when his birthday is!
 * How does that make you feel?
 * Angry! It makes me angry!
 * Player: GRRRR! Why did you have me running around finding ingredients for you then?!?!
 * I don't really care to be honest.
 * Player: So you lied to me to get me to do you a favour?
 * Player: Fair enough, you're not the first, but why lie? You could have just asked me. I'd have been happy to help.
 * Cook: I needed to test you and see if I could trust you.
 * Cook: I am in a terrible pickle, and I desperately need somebody trustworthy to help me out!
 * Player: What seems to be the problem?
 * Player: No thanks, I don't want to help.
 * Player: How do you still have a job?
 * Player: I'm curious... How exactly do you still have a job?
 * Cook: I'm sorry? How do you mean?
 * Player: It's just surprising that you would still have employment as head cook of Lumbridge castle, given how obviously bad at your job you are.
 * Cook: WHAT?
 * Player: Well, things you would expect every kitchen to have... Eggs, milk, flour... You know... But you don't.
 * Player: And what is worse, you don't even go off and get them yourself, you expect people like me to run around after you!
 * Cook: I know I'm such a failure... I bring shame to my honourable ancestor, and now I need help again.
 * Player: Help again?
 * Player: You need help AGAIN? Well, what seems to be the problem?
 * Cook: Well, you're obviously trustworthy, I guess I could tell you...
 * Player: Please do. The suffering of others always seems to turn out very profitable for me.
 * Player: Well... It's like this...
 * Cook: Did you ever hear of Franizzard Van Lumbcook?
 * Player: Erm... Can't say I have.
 * Player: And with a name like that, I'm sure I would remember.
 * Cook: Well, he was a great chef, and also my ancestor.
 * Cook: One hundred years ago there was a very important meeting held here in Lumbridge Castle, and he cooked banquet for the meeting, which was so stupendously amazing that he was offered a job for life, along with all of his descendants.
 * Player: So you have your job because a hundred years ago your ancestor was a very good cook.
 * Player: I don't see how that's much of a problem for you...
 * Player: In fact I would say you are a VERY LUCKY man indeed. Frankly, I'd have fired you by now if you worked for me.
 * Cook: Oooooh no... You don't understand...
 * Cook: This big important secret meeting that Franizzard cooked for is held here in Lumbridge castle every 10 years, and tonight will be the tenth anniversary of it!
 * Player: Still not seeing the problem...
 * Cook: Well, I have always felt like a failure as a cook, and that my job here is down to the skills of my ancestor.
 * Cook: I want to prove to the world that I am a great cook too!
 * Cook: but to do that... (sigh) No, it just won't work...
 * Player: What won't? Come on man, pull yourself together and speak to me!
 * Cook: (sniff) Weeeeelll... I thought that I would recreate the meal Franizzard cooked all of those years ago, the one that impressed everybody so much... There's just this small problem though...
 * Player: Let me take a wild guess. You have the recipe but you don't have any of the ingredients, and OBVIOUSLY you can't just go and get them yourself?
 * Cook: Yes! However did you know?
 * Player: Call it a hunch.
 * Player: Okay, tell me what you're after and then I'll decide if I want to help you or not.
 * Cook: Well, they are common enough ingredients, although I must admit the recipe I am following is very strange indeed...
 * Cook: I will pay you upfront for any expenses you may incur while obtaining them, and of course you may keep the change for being so helpful to me.
 * Cook: Please can you help me? The feast is scheduled to start very soon, and I simply cannot leave!
 * Help the Cook again?
 * YES
 * Player: I would love to help you! What do I have to do?
 * Cook: Well, I have an incredibly important banquet that I have to prepare for, and I am using an ancient cookbook to recreate the meal my famous ancestor made a hundred years ago.
 * Cook: Most of the ingredients I was able to obtain fairly easily, but there were some... oddities... that I have been unable to lay my hands on.
 * Player: Like what?
 * Cook: I need the following ingredients as soon as possible!
 * Cook: One Eye of Newt A freshly made 'Dirty Blast' A rotten tomato
 * Cook: And a glass of greenman's ale.
 * Cook: I have given you 100 coins to cover any expenses you may incur, feel free to keep the change.
 * Player: I'll go look for those for you then!
 * NO


 * Cook: Great! You're back!
 * Cook: Did you bring the ingredients I asked for?
 * Cook: Remember, I need an eye of newt, a glass of greenman's ale, a rotten tomato, and a 'Dirty Blast'!
 * Player: Erm... Sorry, I don't have any of that with me...
 * Cook: Well come back when you have all of them! And hurry! It is a VERY important meeting!
 * Player: Okay then.
 * Player: Okay then. I'll get on it.
 * Player: Where do I get an eye of newt?
 * Player: Where would I find an eye of newt?
 * Cook: I don't know. A newt's face?
 * Player: Thank you so much for that help.
 * Cook: Ah, I don't know where they get them, they usually have them at herblore and magic shops.
 * Player: Where do I get a rotten tomato?
 * Cook: I'm not entirely sure, but I hear they're sold for public spectacles.
 * Player: Public spectacles?
 * Cook: Yeah. Pre-arranged combats, caught thieves on show, that sort of thing.
 * Player: Where do I get a greenman's ale?
 * Player: Where would I find a greenman's ale?
 * Cook: Well, as the official sponsored drink of Castle Wars it might be worth looking around there.
 * Player: Where do I get a 'Dirty Blast'?
 * Player: Where would I find a 'Dirty Blast'? I've never heard of it before.
 * Cook: Yes, I must admit I had never heard of it either until reading through my ancestor's cookbook.
 * Cook: Tell me, do you know how to make a Fruit Blast?
 * YES
 * NO
 * Player: A Fruit Blast? Can't say I've ever heard of it...
 * Cook: Ah, well, they're a popular Gnomic delicacy served at the Blurberry bar. But for this recipe I'd need a fresh one; you can't just buy me one from a shop or from your friends.
 * Cook: Basically, what you do is juice a pineapple, an orange and a lemon, then put them into a cocktail shaker.
 * Cook: Pour that into a glass, then top with a slice of lemon.
 * Player: Okaaaay... So what's a 'Dirty Blast'?
 * Cook: Well, apparently after you have done the above then by adding ashes you create a unique new drink.
 * Player: Sounds horrible.
 * Cook: I agree, but it's what the recipe specifically needs.
 * Cook: Bear in mind it will only work with very fresh ingredients, so you will have to make your own cocktail, not rely on one of the pre made ones Blurberry sells.

Cook's Assistant

 * Player: That looks disgusting, but it's what the cook asked for...

Quick and Painless

 * Cook: Great! You're back!
 * Cook: Did you bring the ingredients I asked for?
 * Cook: Remember, I need an eye of newt, a glass of greenman's ale, a rotten tomato, and a 'Dirty Blast'!
 * Player: You will be happy to know... I have all of that with me!


 * Cook: You absolutely MUST go through into the dining room just there and see the feast I have prepared.
 * Cook: I simply won't take no for an answer!
 * Honestly, you must go and look at the amazing feast that's been prepared!


 * Cook: Hello again adventurer! How's the adventuring going?
 * Cook: And why haven't you gone and looked at the feast I have prepared yet?
 * Cook: Trust me, it will be a sight the likes of which you will never see again!
 * Player: I don't know... I'm a busy [___/gal]...
 * Cook: No, honestly, you MUST go in there!
 * Cook: GO IN THERE!

The Lumbridge Secret Council

 * Duke Horacio: Welcome, gentlemen, to Lumbridge Castle.
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome Osman, Spymaster for the Emir of Al Kharid.
 * Osman: I thank you for your hospitality.
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome the chief guard of the White Wolf Mountain dwarves.
 * Mountain Dwarf: The beer's good!
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome Pirate Pete from Braindeath Island.
 * Pirate Pete: Your rum's got no flavour!
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome the chief of the Goblin Village.
 * General Bentnoze: That me! Give me chair!
 * General Wartface: No, it me! Chair mine!
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome Skrach Uglogwee of the Feldip Hills ogres.
 * Skrach Uglogwee: Der ogres, dey call me Bone Cruncher.
 * Duke Horacio: I welcome my neighbour, Phileas the Lumbridge Sage.
 * Lumbridge Sage: I didn't have far to travel!
 * Duke Horacio: From the town of Edgeville, I welcome Evil Dave.
 * Evil Dave: These secret meetings are SOOO EVIL!
 * Duke Horacio: A hearty welcome to Sir Amik Varze, leader of the White Knights...
 * Sir Amik Varze: Do get a move on!
 * Duke Horacio: ...and finally, I welcome the ruler of Ape Atoll, Awowogei.
 * Duke Horacio: Awowogei?
 * Duke Horacio: Please sit down!
 * Awowogei: But...
 * Duke Horacio: SIT DOWN!
 * Lumbridge Sage: I think he's lost his Amulet of Manspeak.
 * Duke Horacio: Gypsy Aris seems to be late...
 * Mysterious Old Man: Good afternoon, Horacio!
 * Duke Horacio: Oh, what now?
 * Mysterious Old Man: Care for a quick game?
 * Duke Horacio: Excuse me while I deal with this...
 * Osman: We should do something about that old man.
 * Mountain Dwarf: Agreed.
 * Evil Bob: Meoooooow!
 * Osman: Nooooooooooooo!
 * Mountain Dwarf: Wow – another one!
 * Player: Ooh – nice food!
 * Skrach Uglogwee: You come here.
 * Player: Hello?
 * Skrach Uglogwee: Is you my dinner?
 * General Bentnoze: Let go!
 * Player: No, I'm not!
 * Culinaromancer: Aha! I'm BACK!
 * Awowogei: Ugly human!
 * Sir Amik Varze: Did we invite you?
 * Culinaromancer: Hah! Your chef did! And now I'll kill you!
 * Culinaromancer: MUAHAHAHA!
 * Gypsy Aris: Sorry I'm late...
 * Culinaromancer: I remember you...
 * Gypsy Aris: Aaargh!
 * Culinaromancer: Muahahaha!
 * Gypsy Aris: TEMPUS CESSIT!
 * Gypsy Aris: [Player], you must help me defeat this evil!

Aris to the Rescue

 * Player: Hi.
 * Gypsy Aris: Hello there adventurer. How can I assist you?
 * Player: Who are you?
 * Gypsy Aris: I am the Gypsy. My friends call me Aris.
 * Player: Okay then Aris...
 * Gypsy Aris: You can call me the Gypsy.
 * Player: Fine then. So you're a gypsy then?
 * Gypsy Aris: That is correct. I live in a tent in Varrock.
 * Player: You're a gypsy with a permanent home?
 * Gypsy Aris: That is correct, yes.
 * Player: Isn't that a bit... weird?
 * Gypsy Aris: No, not really. Was there something else you wanted to interrogate me about?
 * Player: What just happened?
 * Player: I do have a question. A very GOOD question.
 * Gypsy Aris: Oh yes? What's that then?
 * Player: Just what the flipping hippo is going on?!?!?
 * Gypsy Aris: ...flipping hippo?
 * Player: Yeeeess... You've never heard that phrase?
 * Gypsy Aris: No, no I'm quite sure that I never have.
 * Player: Well, that's not the point!
 * Player: Please, tell me what just happened!
 * Gypsy Aris: Certainly. That fellow over there in the chef's hat is called the Culinaromancer.
 * Gypsy Aris: A hundred years ago, he threatened the secret council with death, but was foiled by the quick thinking of his assistant, who managed to trap him in another dimension.
 * Gypsy Aris: As a result of that action, the assistant was offered a job for life as head cook of Lumbridge, for himself and all his future descendants.
 * Gypsy Aris: Now, apparently the current head cook of Lumbridge decided to recreate his ancestors greatest achievement, not realising that his achievement was not a meal but a powerful food-magic, and by recreating the spell he has inadvertently freed the evil Culinaromancer from his prison, to wreak havoc upon this world once more.
 * Gypsy Aris: Naturally, when I saw what was happening, I intervened with a simple Tempus Cessit spell, so that we would have time to immunise the secret council from his attack, and so that we can defeat the Culinaromancer once and for all.
 * Player: Um... what?
 * Gypsy Aris: You want me to explain it again?
 * Player: Yes please. But slower. And more understandable.
 * Gypsy Aris: (sigh) Okay then: 100 years ago, the evil food magician was defeated and banished.
 * Gypsy Aris: Because of you and the Lumbridge cook, he is now free.
 * Gypsy Aris: He was about to slaughter all of these people, but I stopped time so that you could protect them.
 * Player: You stopped time? And... wait, I have to protect them? Why me?
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes I stopped time. And YOU have to do it partly because you helped release him by getting those ingredients, and partly because I am stuck here keeping the spell intact.
 * Player: Isn't stopping time kind of... You know, dangerous?
 * Gypsy Aris: Oh, unbelievably so. This is why I have limited the time bubble to this room and this room alone.
 * Player: Huh? How does that work?
 * Gypsy Aris: Everything outside this room continues to flow through time. This is why outside of this room you have already defeated the Culinaromancer, and protected the members of the secret council.
 * Gypsy Aris: Inside this room however you have not.
 * Player: Uh... what?
 * Gypsy Aris: Where time has been frozen in this room, outside it continues to flow, so this room is now currently in what we would call 'the past', meaning events inside here already happened, and the longer time continues to flow outside, the more removed from normal time this room becomes.
 * Player: Wait... so I've already saved all of these council members and defeated the Culinaromancer?
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes. But only outside. What you need to do now is save them in here as well, so that time can resume its normal ebb and flow.
 * Gypsy Aris: Otherwise there will be increasing temporal pressure, and the entire universe might explode!
 * Player: Not the whole universe! That's where I keep my stuff!
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes. That is why it is so important that you protect them all.
 * Player: But... You said I already had...?
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes. You have. In the future, which is also the present, but not in the present, which is also the past.
 * Player: My brain hurts...
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes, time travel tends to do that to people.
 * Gypsy Aris: I suggest you don't worry about it too much, just make sure you protect each council member and then defeat the Culinaromancer.
 * Player: How would I do that?
 * Gypsy Aris: Each council member will have their own unique dish that will serve to counteract the Culinaromancer's spell.
 * Gypsy Aris: Inspect the one you wish to save, and I will offer any advice I have.
 * Gypsy Aris: Was there anything else you wanted to ask me about?
 * Player: Who's that guy?
 * Player: Who are these people?
 * Player: Who are these people? Seems like quite the random selection in here!
 * Gypsy Aris: The people you see assembled here are the self-styled secret council of RuneScape.
 * Player: 'Self-styled' council? What do you mean?
 * Gypsy Aris: Many centuries ago, a small group from around the world of RuneScape decided that these lands needed to be directed, that it was too risky to leave the fates of this land to luck and the gods.
 * Gypsy Aris: They decided that every 10 years they would meet to discuss current events, and shape how the world might then develop.
 * Player: So they're pretty influential people?
 * Gypsy Aris: No, not really. For all of their grand schemes and ideas, nothing ever gets done except every ten years they have a bit of a posh meal together and a bit of gossip.
 * Player: I see... But this evil cook guy that just appeared thinks they might be important?
 * Gypsy Aris: I don't really know what he thinks.
 * Gypsy Aris: Either way I'm not prepared to let him get away with a brazen attack on anybody while I have the power to stop him.
 * Gypsy Aris: And given that this is partly your fault, I fully expect your assistance in saving them.
 * Player: MY fault??
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes. You were the one who provided the cook with the ingredients that he needed to allow the Culinaromancer to return to this dimension.
 * Player: I just don't understand any of this...
 * Gypsy Aris: What exactly is it that you don't understand?
 * Player: Did this room get bigger?
 * Player: Uh... Is it me, or did this room just get much bigger?
 * Gypsy Aris: Ah, that would be the time dilation effect.
 * Player: The... time dilation... effect?
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes. As time has stopped flowing in the normal way, your eyes are playing tricks on you, as the pictures absorbed by your eyes take slightly longer to reach your brain than normal.
 * Player: Erm... what?
 * Gypsy Aris: As everybody knows, time flows from north to south, so my freezing time means that this room has apparently stretched slightly along its horizontal axis.
 * Player: Um... does that even make sense?
 * Gypsy Aris: Don't let it worry you too much. It's just an optical illusion, the room is exactly the same size as it always has been, it just appears to be a tiny bit bigger.
 * Gypsy Aris: Anything else you wanted to know?
 * Player: Nothing thanks [After selecting an option]
 * Player: Ah, forget it, I don't want to talk to you now.
 * Gypsy Aris: Yes, I'm sure you have far more important things to do than SAVING THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

Future Success

 * Cook: Wow! You were incredible!
 * Cook: The way you defeated the Culinaromancer, you made it seem so easy!
 * If talking to him for the first time
 * Player: Uh... What?
 * Cook: With the foods, and that big portal thingy, and everything!
 * Cook: I'm just glad you were around, who knows WHAT could have happened if you weren't able to help us!
 * Player: I'm sorry, I don't have any clue what you...
 * Player: Oh. Oh, right. This must be part of that whole time-bubble thing the Gypsy told me about.
 * Player: So the cook outside of the bubble remembers me having already saved the council members even though I haven't actually gone and done it yet...
 * Player: Gah! This time travel stuff makes my head hurt!
 * Player: So... I don't suppose you can remember exactly how I defeated him can you?
 * Cook: Of course! Which bit can't you remember doing?
 * Protecting the Dwarf
 * Protecting the Goblins
 * Protecting the Pirate
 * Protecting the Lumbridge Sage
 * Protecting Evil Dave
 * Protecting the Ogre
 * Protecting Sir Amik Varze
 * Protecting the Monkey
 * Defeating the Culinaromancer