Troll Romance/Transcript

Starting Out

 * Ug: Arrrghhh, die man-thing! Ahhh, it no use, I too sad!
 * Player: Awww, your poor troll. What seems to be the problem?
 * Ug: I love Aga, she so beautiful, she smell so nice, like rotting dead ice wolf! But Arrg... that arrrrrg! He together with Aga and he much stronger than Ug. He rip Ug apart!
 * Player: Who is Aga?
 * Ug: She most beautiful troll in world. Ug want to marry Aga, but she with Arrg!
 * Player: Arrg?
 * Ug: Arrrrghh!
 * Player: This is getting confusing!
 * Player: Don't worry now, I'll see what I can do.
 * Ug: You help Ug? You nice, maybe Ug not eat you!
 * Player: Errrr... thanks... I think? I will go and talk to Aga.

Aga

 * Aga: What do you want, man-thing?
 * Player: Well... you're big and hairy?
 * Aga: Thanks, me very careful about looks!
 * Player: Errr...
 * Player: (I can't believe I am asking a troll about her love life!!) So... how's your... um... love life?
 * Aga: It ok. I with Arrg, he very strong and mighty but sometimes... I not know if he love Aga. He says he will show he love by bringing me flower Trollweiss. It a very beautiful flower, it very special! It grow somewhere in these mountains.
 * Player: (Maybe Trolls DO have a romantic streak!) And Arrg said he would get you the flower?
 * Aga: He very strong, if he love Aga he will get Trollweiss.
 * Player: So... what do you think about Ug?
 * Aga: Who?
 * Player: You know that wimpy, crying... nevermind.
 * Aga: Aga can't wait for Trollweiss. Arrg will show his love!
 * Aga: Aga can't wait for Trollweiss. Arrg will show his love!

Arrg

 * [Before talking to Aga]
 * Arrg: Aaaarrrrrghhh!
 * Player: O-oh, he seems cheesed off...
 * [After talking to Aga]
 * Arrg: Whaaaaaaaat?
 * Player: Ehh, Excuse me... Mr. Troll, sir.
 * Player: How did you grow so big and strong?
 * Arrg: Get away from Arrg, puny man-maggot. Or you lunch!
 * Player: Your girlfriend said you know where to find Trollweiss?
 * Arrg: Girlfriend? Which one?
 * Player: Errr... Aga.
 * Arrg: Yes, she good cook and wash but talk too many. Arrg strong troll. Arrg mighty troll. Arrg have many girlfriends!
 * Player: (What a jerk!) Yes, yes, you're great, but what about the Trollweiss?
 * Arrg: I no know, I just say to make Aga shut up!
 * Player: So you don't actually know where to find the Trollweiss? Great...

Reporting Back

 * Ug: You talk to Aga yet?
 * Player: Yes, she said that she really wants a certain flower! Trollweiss, I think she called it.
 * Ug: Oh no! Then Ug no chance. Trollweiss not found in years!
 * Player: don't worry I'll find it for you!
 * Ug: You no chance, Ug no chance, need someone who live whole life in mountains. Ug no know anyone like that...
 * Player: Hang on a sec...

Freida

 * Freda: Hello Player, what can I do for you today?
 * Player: Do you know where I can find Trollweiss?
 * Freda: Trollweiss? The plant you mean?
 * Player: That's the stuff. Do you know where I can find some?
 * Freda: Well, I know it used to grow all over the place, but it is dying out now. If you really, really want it, you might want to try checking in the lair of the ice trolls. But that's not a very attractive prospect. You'll need to go to an area of bitter, biting cold and savage beasts. And then, once you've overcome that, you'll need to find a way to slide down to the plateau below. It used to be easy, but there has been some lethal snowfall there. They say it has something to do with climate change, but I blame those ice trolls myself.
 * Player: So how do I get down there?
 * Freda: You could try making a sled. I'm not sure myself how to make one, but Dunstan might.
 * Player: Thanks I'll go check with him!

Dunstan

 * Player: Hi!
 * Dunstan: Hi, Player. What can I do for you?
 * Player: I need a sled!
 * Dunstan: Haha, very funny! Aren't you a bit old for rolling around in the snow?
 * Player: Yes.
 * Dunstan: So why do you need a sled then?
 * [Goes to "I need the sled to..."]
 * Player: No.
 * Dunstan: Hahahaha.
 * Player: No, I actually still like rolling around in the snow.
 * Dunstan: Well, I guess some of us never grow up!
 * Player: I need the sled to get to a certain location in the mountains.
 * Dunstan: Well, since you've helped my family out a couple of times, I'd be glad to build a sled for you. Let me think... ... Yeah, that should do it. I will need some yew or maple logs, a bar of iron and some rope. I should have my designs ready by the time you have brought me all the materials.

The Sled

 * Dunstan: Have you got all the materials for the sled yet?
 * Player: Yes, I have all the materials for the sled.
 * Dunstan takes the materials and some of his tools and starts making a sled. After a while Dunstan hands you a finished sled.
 * Dunstan: Well, here's the sled but it will need to be waxed. The wax will need to both protect the sled as well as smoothen it. Maybe if you mix some wax with a bit of swamp tar it will achieve the desired effect. You'll also need something to store the wax in... like a cake tin.
 * Player: Where can I get wax from?
 * Dunstan: I don't know. I'm a smith! But maybe you should look for some bees.
 * Player: Where can I get swamp tar from?
 * Dunstan: The swamp of course! It's south of Lumbridge.

Returning the Flower

 * Ug: Have you got the flower yet?
 * Player: Yes, I've got it right here.
 * Ug: Thanks man-thing. Ug so happy! But me too scared to give Trollweiss to Aga because Arrg will eat Ug for breakfast.
 * Player: What? So I have to get rid of Arrg as well? After all this trouble I should be the one getting the girl... Then again maybe not.
 * Ug: You no touch Aga. Ug kill you.
 * Player: Ok, I'll tell Arrg you said that. Shall I tell him to meet you here?
 * Ug: No, no, no, wait! Ug just joke, oh great man-legend. Ug puny, you strong.
 * Player: I suppose I am a bit of a legend. Ok I'll do it!

Defeating Arrg

 * Arrg: Whaaaaaaaat?
 * Player: Ehh, Excuse me... Mr. Troll, sir.
 * Player: I am here to kill you!
 * Arrg: Very good, Arrg was getting hungry.
 * Player: But not in front of the lady, let's take it outside.
 * Player: Aga deserves better than you.
 * Arrg: What you mean? Arrg strong troll. Arrg mighty troll. Every troll woman want Arrg.
 * Player: But you don't love her!
 * Arrg: This concept of 'love' confuses and infuriates Arrg.
 * Player: Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson in 'love'. But not in front of the lady, let's take it outside.
 * [After defeating Arrg]
 * Arrg: Arrg!
 * [Back inside]
 * Arrg: Oh mighty man-warrior, please no hurt Arrg.

Finishing

 * Ug: You defeat Arrg yet?
 * Player: Yes, he has been defeated.
 * Ug: You very strong and nice. Take pretty rock as thanks.
 * Player: Thanks, Ug. So, now you can go and speak to Aga!
 * Ug: I too scared.
 * Player: Has anyone ever told you that you are a useless troll? My grandmother has more guts than you and she doesn't even have her teeth anymore!
 * Ug: Whaaat? Man-thing want to die? Ug no scared of you or your grandmother! Ug show you. Ug go to Aga now.

Troll Romance

 * Player: How did it go with Aga?
 * Ug: I give Trollweiss to Aga and she say it taste very nice. She very happy and we together now.
 * Player: What? I went through all that trouble to get a snack for a hungry troll?
 * Ug: Thank you many for getting Ug together with Aga. We much happy together! I so happy I can't stop crying!
 * Aga: Thanks for getting Aga and Ug happy. Without you Ug too shy, Aga so in love with Ug!
 * Aga: Thanks for getting Aga and Ug happy. Without you Ug too shy, Aga so in love with Ug!