Eadgar's Ruse/Transcript

Starting Out

 * Sanfew: What can I do for you young 'un?
 * Player: Have you any more work for me, to help reclaim the circle?
 * Sanfew: Ah, you've come just in time. I need a certain herb for the next part of the purification ritual. It used to be quite common, but nowadays only the trolls know where to find it. They use it in their cooking, you see. It's a very prized ingredient.
 * Player: And what exactly do you want me to do?
 * Sanfew: Journey to the north into the land of the trolls, and find the secret of the herb the trolls call 'goutweed'. My friend Eadgar lives in the area, and he may be able to help you. Bring some goutweed back and I will teach you something useful.
 * Player: I'll do it.
 * Sanfew: Thank you, adventurer!

Eadgar

 * Player: Hi!
 * Eadgar: Welcome to Mad Eadgar's! Happiness in a bowl! Would you care to sample our delicious home cooking?
 * Player: I need to find some goutweed. Sanfew said you might be able to help.
 * Eadgar: Sanfew, you say? Ah, haven't seen him in a while. Goutweed is used as an ingredient in troll cooking. You should ask one of their cooks.

Burntmeat

 * Player: Er, hi.
 * Burntmeat: Hmm? What human do in troll kitchen? Burntmeat tired of cooking goats. Human looks tasty.
 * Player: Oh, you don't want to eat me! I'm a tough, hardened adventurer, not tender or tasty at all!
 * Burntmeat: Hmm. Burntmeat think you probably right. What human doing here?
 * Player: I'm on a quest to find some goutweed.
 * Burntmeat: Bwahahaha! Burntmeat not giving his greatest cooking secret away so easily. But Burntmeat also has quest for human!
 * Player: Really? What is it?
 * Burntmeat: Bring back a tasty human for Burntmeat's stew. If you find tasty human, Burntmeat will give you good reward.
 * Player: Right. I'll just...go fetch that for you then. Bye!

Eadgar

 * Eadgar: Oh, it's you. Have you talked to the troll cook yet?
 * Player: I talked to the troll cook but he wouldn't tell me anything, and now he wants me to find him some tasty human for his stew.
 * Eadgar: Oh dear, that's no good. You can't just go hand over a human to those trolls... Aha! I have a plan!
 * Player: Really?
 * Eadgar: Yes! It's bound to work. First of all, I will need a parrot!
 * Player: A PARROT? Where am I going to find one of those?
 * Eadgar: At the zoo, where else?

Parroty Pete

 * Parroty Pete: Good day, good day. Come to admire the new parrot aviary have we?
 * Player: It's very nice.
 * Parroty Pete: Isn't it just?
 * Player: When did you add it?
 * Parroty Pete: Just recently. It would have been sooner, but some wretch thought it would be amusing to replace their drinking water with vodka. The vet had to nurse them back to health for weeks!
 * Player: What do you feed them?
 * Parroty Pete: Well, fruit and wheat mostly. I try to give them a balanced diet, but their favorite treat is pineapple chucks.

Getting the Parrot

 * You manage to attract a parrot and catch it.
 * Player: Hah! Got you now!
 * Parrot: Sqwaawk...*hic*
 * Parroty Pete: Hey! What are you doing with that parrot?
 * Player: Nothing.
 * Parroty Pete: IT looks drunk! You should NEVER feed alcohol to a parrot!
 * Player: Well, good thing I found it! I'll just take it to vet for you, shall I?
 * Parroty Pete: Oh, thank you! We're ever so busy here at the Zoo.

Cooking Up a Plan

 * Eadgar: Oh, it's you. Have you got me a parrot yet?
 * Parrot: Raaawk! Polly wanna cracker!
 * Player: Here it is! Now, are you going to explain your plan?
 * Eadgar: Yes, yes, of course. It's quite ingenious really! What we need is something that looks like a human, sounds like a human, smells like a human and tastes like a human.
 * Player: How are we going to make it look like a human?
 * Eadgar: We'll just make a scarecrow. We'll need logs, and 10 sheaves of wheat for stuffing.
 * Player: How are we going to make it sound like a human?
 * Eadgar: That's what the parrot's for, of course.
 * Parrot: Who's a pretty boy then?
 * Eadgar: Although the trolls might get suspicious if it doesn't say what they expect a human to say. You should hide it for a while somewhere it can pick up some more appropriate catchphrases.
 * Player: How are we going to make it smell like a human?
 * Eadgar: Well, we'd need to dress it up anyway; if we use dirty clothes it'll smell human to the trolls. I'm a man of few clothes myself, so you might want to ask Sanfew about that one.
 * Player: And how are we going to make it taste like a human?
 * Eadgar: That's easy, we'll just stuff it with a few chickens. Everything tastes like chicken! Five raw chickens should be enough. That's the plan.


 * Player: What should I do with this parrot?
 * Eadgar: I told you, put it somewhere it'll learn to say the sort of thing the trolls will expect it to say. This is likely to be screaming. There's bound to be a good spot somewhere in the troll prison.

Sanfew

 * Player: Eadgar says he needs some dirty clothes for his plan, and he said you might be able to help.
 * Sanfew: Now why would he need that?
 * Player: It's a long story.
 * Sanfew: Never mind then...I think Tegid is doing his laundry outside. You could ask him if you can borrow one of his dirty robes.

Tegid

 * Player: So, you're doing laundry, eh?
 * Tegid: Yeah. What is it to you?
 * Player: Nice day for it.
 * Tegid: Suppose it is.
 * Player: You wouldn't be able to spare any of those dirty robes by any chance? It's a matter of the utmost importance.
 * Tegid: What? No! These are my robes!
 * Player: I'm sure Sanfew won't be happy when I tell him it's your fault he can't perform the purification ritual.
 * Tegid: What? Oh well, if it's a matter of that much importance, I suppose you can borrow one.

The Serum

 * Player: I hid the parrot under the rack in the troll prison.
 * Eadgar: Good work. How about those other items?
 * Player: I have the logs, five chickens, ten bundles of wheat and the dirty clothes.
 * Eadgar: That's everything! Good, good, everything is almost finished. Of course, we can't just give him the dummy and expect to get anything useful out of him.
 * Player: Oh?
 * Eadgar: No, of course not. We need. To make sure he'll tell you what you need to know.
 * Player: And how do we do that?
 * Eadgar: I happen to know that the trolls are susceptible to a certain kind of plant that grows around this mountain. I call it Troll Thistle. If properly prepared, it can be made into a sort of Troll truth potion.
 * Player: How do you prepare it?
 * Eadgar: You'll have to dry it in a fire, then grind it and mix it into a potion with Ranarr weed.
 * Player: Okay, I'll be back with that soon.


 * Player: I've got the troll truth potion.
 * Eadgar: Excellent, hand it here. Now just go fetch that poor parrot back, it's probably had enough by now.

Retrieving the Parrot

 * You look under the rack and find the drunk parrot.
 * Parrot: Ah, hello Sir. Could you please free me? I seem to have... OW! What are you doing? That's my spleen!
 * Player: I think it's probably heard enough.

Making the Fake Man

 * Player: I've brought the parrot.
 * Eadgar: Hand it here...there we go! Can you tell this isn't a bona fide human being? I sure can't!
 * Fake Man: What am I doing here? Ow! Where's the rest of the Guard? Agh! I won't tell you anything!

Burntmeat

 * Burntmeat: Did you find tasty human? Burntmeat smell something good.
 * Player: Yes! Look!
 * Fake Man: Heeeeeeelp!
 * Burntmeat: Ah, dat look like nice tasty human.
 * Fake Man: Aaaargh! Somebody save me!
 * Burntmeat: Yep, sound like human too. Burntmeat put it in stew. Good work, human. Burntmeat give precious reward.
 * Player: This is burnt meat.
 * Burntmeat: It first thing I ever try to cook! Very precious to Burntmeat.
 * Player: Thank you... and how's the stew?
 * Burntmeat: Slurp, mmm... Human stew cheer Burntmeat up!
 * Player: So, where can I get some goutweed?
 * Burntmeat: Hah! Trolls pick it all until none left, many years ago. Only remaining stock in storeroom. It well guarded, and Burntmeat hide key in fake bottom of kitchen drawer. Nobody find it there.
 * Player: That's some well-guarded secret alright. I'll just be off on my way now.

Finishing

 * Sanfew: What can I do for you young 'un?
 * Player: I have some goutweed!
 * Sanfew: Excellent! I will be able to complete the next part of the ritual now. I will teach you a new spell and give you some of my knowledge in Herblore as a token of thanks. If you ever come across more goutweed, bring it to me. I don't need any more for the ritual, but it's still quite difficult for me to get. I'll exchange it for some other herbs.