Garden of Tranquillity/Transcript

Starting out

 * Player: What's going on here? I see a lot of farming patches with nothing growing in them.
 * Ellamaria: No, one has just had them installed. One has had the most marvelous idea to bring renewed happiness to one's own dearest husband.
 * Player: One? I'm not sure I understand you-
 * Ellamaria: Oh dear – the common classes, oh how they fill one with intolerable levels of exasperation, I swear to be most true.
 * Player: Ri-ight ... if you say so, my lady. I'll be off then, if you don't mind...
 * Ellamaria: Yes, be off with you, before I call the guards.
 * Player: No problem, sorry to have bothered you.
 * Ellamaria: Peasant – WAIT!!!
 * Player: Are you speaking to me?
 * Ellamaria: Who else would I be speaking to, you funny little woman? Of course you.
 * Player: Well for a moment there I thought there was a dog around here somewhere...
 * Ellamaria: Oh yes, sarcasm – how amusing. No, no, peasant – I have a question to ask of you, and you are required to answer.
 * Player: Well, seeing as you put it so nicely...
 * Ellamaria: Do you know of anyone who might have some degree of horticultural experience?
 * Player: If you're asking me do I know a gardener, then yes I do. I happen to be quite handy at farming myself, as it happens.
 * Ellamaria: Oh, marvellous! Peasant, I hereby order you to assist me with a little project I have planned.
 * Player: You'll have to ask me nicely first.
 * Ellamaria: Oh, what I have to deal with these days – to think this is what being a Queen has become. Very well then: would you ... good lady help me with a little project of mine?
 * Player: I would be happy to help someone who is so in touch with the people.
 * Ellamaria: Ah, more sarcasm – wonderful. Well, it is nice to have a master of the fine art of gardening to assist me; in the absense of any such person, I gladly accept your service.
 * Player: I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not. Anyway, what would you like me to do, and what do I get out of it?
 * Ellamaria: To answer your first question, you have noticed the new farming patches that we have had installed around us. We wish to grow many varied and exotic plants in them, to bring happiness back to my husband.
 * Player: King Roald?
 * Ellamaria: The very same, and that's 'His Most Royal Majesty' to you. Now we come to the plants that one wishes you to grow in these patches. I would tell you all at once, but I fear that your small mind would not cope.
 * Player: Thanks, I'm sure. So tell me Queeny, how do I know which plants I am to get for you?
 * Ellamaria: I have given you a list of the items that I need in each patch. One is sure that you will know how to use the list with each patch to find out what needs to go in each one. There is one more thing, though.
 * Player: One listens with bated breath...
 * Ellamaria: Obtaining the seeds may prove difficult if you go about it by hacking and slashing everything that moves. No, to gather these items you will need to employ a finer tactic; the art of persuasion. You must go at once and converse with the wise old man who is said to dwell in Draynor Village; he may guide you in mastering this delicate and sophisticated ability.
 * Player: I'd rather jump off the docks at Port Sarim.

The Tale of Charos

 * Wise Old Man: Greetings, [Player].
 * Player: I have been sent by Queen Ellamaria of Varrock to seek your guidance.
 * Wise Old Man: Ellamaria? Well, if you're in her service my guidance is this: do the fastest run that you can off the shortest pier you can find.
 * Player: You know Queen Ellamaria?
 * Wise Old Man: Oh yes, we go way back, long before she married that fool the King of Varrock. She wasn't always royal you know.
 * Player: Really?
 * Wise Old Man: No, in her youth she was a barmaid at the Blue Moon Inn. All that fancy talk, that's just for show. No, the Ellamaria I knew was as common as muck, until she lucked onto good King Roald.
 * Player: I'll certainly look at her in a different light when I return to Varrock.
 * Wise Old Man: So what sort of guidance has Little-Miss-Hoity-Toity sent you to seek?
 * Player: I am supposed to gain some knowledge of diplomacy and persuasion from you.
 * Wise Old Man: That is an area that - luckily for you, young [Player] - I have studied. Have you heard of the diplomat known as Charos?
 * Player: Charos? I must say the name rings a bell... Charos... Yes, I remember! Once, during my travels to Morytania, I came upon an item of magical jewellery called the Ring of Charos.
 * Wise Old Man: You have found the Ring of Charos?!? Tell me - do you still have it in your possession?
 * Player: Yes, I have it in my bag. Is it important, then?
 * Wise Old Man: Charos rose to power under the rule of Lord Drakan of Morytania; Charos was his only living servant. The vampyre lord suffered the existence of Charos because of the talents that this sophisticated diplomat had to offer.
 * Player: The art of persuasion?
 * Wise Old Man: Indeed. Charos had many uses - spy, assassin, negotiator - because he could convince anyone to do his wishes. These talents were in some part Charos's own, but greatly enhanced by the ring that he fashioned.
 * Player: The Ring of Charos.
 * Wise Old Man: Exactly. One who wears the ring must possess some innate ability of their own, which the ring enhances so that the wearer can convince all but the most strong-minded to do their bidding.
 * Player: What happened to Charos? And why did Fenkenstrain have the ring?
 * Wise Old Man: Charos had a castle built on the northern coast of Morytania, where he dwelt for many years in service to Drakan. None really know what became of him, but some say that he became too certain of his abilities, and turned them on his master. This would have been his ultimate downfall, for the ring's power would have had little or no effect upon Drakan. Fenkenstrain probably found the ring many years later, buried somewhere within the depths of Charos's castle.
 * Player: So what you are telling me is that nobody really knows what happened to Charos? That he could still be alive? And if he is still alive...
 * Wise Old Man: ...he would naturally come looking for the ring that is his by right. But I don't believe that you should worry about that - it has been many years since his disappearance, and the likelyhood is that he is dead.
 * Player: Still - it doesn't inspire me with much confidence.
 * Wise Old Man: I could activate the power within this ring for you, but for me to do that I must know that you will use it wisely. To do that I must ask you a few questions, to see how good a diplomat you can be.
 * Player: Okay, go ahead...

The Test

 * 1/7:Two goblins are fighting over the colour of their armour. What do you do?
 * [A] Show them a range of colours so that they can come to a compromise.
 * 2/7: A Drunken dwarf offers you a kebab. What do you do?
 * [A] Run away leaving the lonely dwarf on his own.
 * [B] Take his generous gift even though you have no need for it.
 * 3/7: Are you enjoying your experience of Farming?
 * [A] It's absolutely, unquestionably the most interesting thing I've ever done!
 * 4/7: A dwarf asks you to put on a silly golden helmet so that you can be fired from a cannon into a wall. What do you do?
 * [A] Put the helmet on the dwarf and fire him into the wall.
 * [B] Put on the silly helmet and jump into the cannon.
 * 5/7: You meet Pkmaster0036 in the Wilderness. He asks you who is the greatest player killer in the world. How do you reply?
 * [A] I am, prepare to meet your doom Pkmaster0036!
 * [B] Cower in fear and quickly cast teleport to Varrock.
 * [C] You of course Pkmaster0036, no one could ever challenge your greatness!
 * 6/7: Queen Ellamaria orders you to go on a foolish quest without any offer of reward. What do you say?
 * [A] Stop ordering me about and get back behind the bar where you belong!
 * [B] Ask me nicely and I might consider it.
 * 7/7: A Draynor bank guard asks you if you've seen any suspicious characters lately, because the bank has been robbed. What do you say?
 * [A] If I do I'll let you know.
 * [B] Yes, that wise old man over there looks incredibly dodgy.
 * [C] No, especially not that wise old man, who doesn't look at all suspicious.
 * [C] I'll do whatever you ask - I just love the monarchy!
 * [C] Refuse this crazy request blankly.
 * [B] Yes.
 * [C] Definitely.
 * [C] Stand there until he gets annoyed and attacks you.
 * [B] Leave them to it. Armour's not going to help - any noob can take them.
 * [C] Kill them both and steal their bronze spears.

Enough for the Wise

 * Player: Okay, I've answered your questions - what's the verdict?
 * Wise Old Man: Mmmm, it was close but... Congratulations! You have clearly got what it takes to use the Ring of Charos. Wait a moment, [Player]...
 * The wise old man passes his hand slowly over the Ring of Charos that lies in your outstretched palm. Gradually, you feel the ring begin to vibrate with gentle energy.
 * Wise Old Man: The Ring of Charos has now been opened to you, [Player]. You may use its power to charm the weak-minded, but it will only work whilst you are wearing it.
 * Player: Thanks for your help, Wise Old Man.
 * Wise Old Man: Funny, I thought you would take the chance to test the power of the ring on me! No matter - leave me be now, I have important surveillance duties to carry out.

Dantaera

 * Player: Do you know how I could grow a White Tree?
 * Dantaera: There are no more White Trees left in the world - they have all been chopped down, and their beauty has forever left this world.
 * Player: Then my quest is over - I cannot grow a White Tree.
 * Player: I think that there is something that you are not telling me.
 * Dantaera: Am I so transparent? You have seen through me; there is something I would rather not tell you.
 * Player: You need to chill out and stop taking yourself so seriously.
 * Player: A secret is a dreadful burden to have to keep to yourself.
 * Dantaera: It is not hard to keep this secret - to give it away would cause me great sorrow.
 * Player: I don't see how. Tell me your secret, and I will keep it as well as you have done.
 * Dantaera: Very well - I feel deep trust in you for some reason. It is the White Tree, last survivor of a race of Trees that have disappeared from our landscape. Once they covered the land; now there is only one.
 * Player: What happened to them?
 * Dantaera: Man desired the wood of the White Tree, because of its wood of pure white. Need I tell you more?
 * Player: I can fill in the rest. So where is the remaining White Tree?
 * Dantaera: She stands atop Ice Mountain, alone and sorrowful; and, I fear, that she is dying.
 * Player: If I took a cutting from ... her ... then I could grow another one.
 * Dantaera: Yes, but she only has life enough to produce one shoot. Cut this shoot, and she will die, last of her kind gone forever. If you failed to grow this shoot, there would be no more White Trees.
 * Player: You should get out a bit more and quit worrying about trees.
 * Player: Unless you allow me to do this she will die anyway.
 * Dantaera: I know, but I try not to think about that. You speak truly - she does not have much time left.
 * Player: Then will you allow me to take this cutting?
 * Dantaera: Do so with my blessing. I wish you good fortune, [Player]. Go now, and save the beauty of the White Tree.
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

At the White Tree

 * Player: Here is the shoot that Dantaera spoke of. Everything she told me is true - this tree will die once I cut this shoot. Well, here goes...

Brother Althric I

 * Player: Can I have some rosebush seeds, please?
 * Player: These are the most beautiful rosebushes I've ever seen.
 * Brother Althric: Nice of you to say so, but I sense the use of some unnatural power underneath your fine words. You are concealing something of great evil, an evil that cannot touch someone of my purity.
 * Player: Oh ... no, that's not true ...
 * Brother Althric: Nonsense, you reek of this evil power! I suggest that you throw whatever dark talisman it is that you are using down the Edgeville well, and never think of it again! Either that or just simply destroy it!

Brother Althric II

 * Brother Althric: Are you messing about with my rosebushes again?
 * Player: Er ... no ... I was just admiring them.
 * Brother Althric: Ah, I sense that you speak so without the use of the evil power you carried before. That is good. As you have taken the road back towards the light, you may take any seeds that you wish.
 * Player: I threw it down the Edgeville well like you told me.
 * Brother Althric: That is good. Although it could always be regained by someone using an implement long enough to reach the bottom of the well, something with a hook on the end to catch the ring with. I hope I haven't put any ideas into your head.
 * Player: Oh no, I definitely wouldn't try something like that...

Retrieving the Ring of Charos

 * Player: la-de-da
 * Player: dum-de-dum
 * Player: Nice day for it.
 * Player: (whistles a happy tune)

Lyra I

 * Player: Do you have any orchid seeds to spare?
 * Lyra: Please, do not bother me - I have problems to attend to.
 * Player: Oh sorry, I didn't mean to take up your valuable time.
 * Player: If you tell me your problems, I may be able to help you.
 * Lyra: As you ask so nicely I will relate my problems to you, but I very much doubt that you may help me at all.
 * Player: Try me.
 * Lyra: You must think it strange that a girl such as myself would choose to ply her trade in a place such as this, this darkest of lands.
 * Player: No, not really - you fit in here a treat.
 * Player: Yes, I was wondering about that.
 * Lyra: My mother, Alice, tends to our farming shop in yonder farmhouse, while I tend to this small allotment. Passing trade has quite literally died off in recent years, and with it our income.
 * Player: I can only say one thing to you - move.
 * Player: Times must be very hard for you.
 * Lyra: It is but the smallest of our worries. We get by, we survive, on the miserable harvests that I grow here. The price of our survival is what pains me, as it is a price I have paid with the souls of others.
 * Player: Ah, it all makes sense now - you're a psychopath.
 * Player: Whatever you've done, I'm sure you had just cause.
 * Lyra: You say this, but you know nothing of my crimes. I cannot tell you all, but this much I will say - that being allowed to exist in this land is a privilege that must be paid for, and the cost is dear.
 * Player: *Yawn* Could you get to the point please?
 * Player: And what is the nature of this fee that you pay?
 * Lyra: Mother and I must pay a tithe of blood to the vampyres. Father would have protected us, but he is no longer with us, although his presence still walks among us in the fields. We pay with the blood of others.
 * Player: Er, can I withdraw my offer of help now?
 * Player: If not yours, then whose blood are you offering?
 * Lyra: Sometimes I travel to market fairs in distant lands, and I use my feminine arts to lure young farmers back to this land; then the vampyres come for them and I see them no more.
 * Player: Something tells me that you actually enjoy it, really.
 * Player: How can you deal with so much guilt?
 * Lyra: Please - ask me no more. You said that you were looking for some orchid seeds? I do have some as a matter of fact, and you may as well have them because they do not grow well in this grim land.
 * Player: Okay, can I have them then...
 * Lyra: You must pass a test first. These are no ordinary flowers, and no ordinary farmer can grow them. You must grow onions here in one of these patches, and when they are fully grown I will give you the seeds.
 * Player: That's a deal - I'll grow a patch of onions for you.
 * Lyra: Speak to me when they are fully grown. You need not pick them for me, I will be able to assess your skills by simply watching you.
 * Player: I think not - I've loitered too long in this land.
 * Player: Oh for Saradomin's sake, just give me the seeds!
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Lyra II

 * Player: Okay, I've grown those onions like you asked.
 * Lyra: Yes, you have demonstrated that you have some moderate skills as a farmer. Take these seeds, and do with them that you will.
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Kragen I

 * Player: Do you have any snowdrop seeds to spare?
 * Kragen: No I don't, as it happens. Sorry.
 * Player: But I was told that you did!
 * Player: You seem to be a little irritable, my friend.
 * Kragen: Oh, you think so?!? And what concern is it of yours?
 * Player: I'm not concerned, I just want you to give me some snowdrop seeds.
 * Player: I don't like to see a fellow human being so upset.
 * Kragen: I must say, you don't often meet people who show concern the way you have done.
 * Player: I can't take it anymore - just give me the seeds.
 * Player: So what ails you, my friend?
 * Kragen: All these people, asking me to look after their crops! And no-one ever asking me how I feel, or if there's something they can do for me!
 * Player: Oh stop whining, it's not like you do it for free.
 * Player: Well, is there anything I can do for you?
 * Kragen: Oh, that's very kind of you! And here I was, thinking of giving it all up and heading off across the seas to find my fortune!
 * Player: Don't let me stop you, there are plenty of ships missing cabin boys.
 * Player: So what can I do for you?
 * Kragen: I'd like just for once for somebody to grow something for me. Just something simple; some vegetables would be nice.
 * Player: How about some potatoes?
 * Kragen: Nah, there's a whole field of them over to the west. I don't have any particular use for onions, so how about cabbages, then?
 * Player: Cabbages? Sounds good to me. Where do you want me to grow them?
 * Kragen: Oh, in one of these allotments here. Plant them from seed, and when they're ready for harvesting let me know, I'll give you your seeds.
 * Player: That's a deal - I'll let you know when your cabbages are ready.
 * Player: I'm not wasting my time growing cabbages.
 * Player: Aarrrrrghhhh! I hate cabbages!!!! Give me the seeds!!!!!
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Kragen II

 * Player: Okay, I've grown those cabbages like you asked.
 * Kragen: Yes, I saw - what fine farming prowess! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before; here you go, these are the seeds you were after I believe. Yes, here you go - I hope they grow for you.
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Elstan I

 * Player: Do you have any delphinium seeds to spare?
 * Elstan: I do have delphinium seeds, yes - but to spare, I'm not so sure. You don't look like that much of a gardener to me.
 * Player: I'll have you know I'm a pretty good farmer, actually!
 * Player: That is why I have come to an expert for advice.
 * Elstan: Ah, now that I like the sound of. So people are saying I'm an expert, then?
 * Player: No, I just said that to get you to give me some seeds.
 * Player: Yeah, carry on - milk it for all it's worth.
 * Player: Not just AN expert, Elstan - they say you are THE expert.
 * Elstan: I can't say that I'm surprised, really - I do seem to have the golden touch with the old gardening lark. Only just the other day I managed to grow a - I'm not boring you, am I?
 * Player: Yes, please stop right now.
 * Player: Oh no, I love listening to gardening stories...
 * Elstan: You do! That's the first person I've ever met has said that! Well, don't you worry mate, I've got millions of 'em!
 * Player: Somebody kill me now.
 * Player: Millions? Ah, just what I wanted to hear...
 * Elstan: Ah, but there's plenty of time for stories. You wanted delphinium seeds, did you say?
 * Player: Er ... what ... er... Yes, delphinium seeds!
 * Elstan: As I'm in an especially good mood I think I will let you have some. But you have to do something for me first.
 * Player: And what's that?
 * Elstan: I need some marigolds to give to Lyra, one of my fellow gardeners over in Morytania. She's a bit mysterious, and has some - well - sinister ways to be sure, but she's just my type.
 * Player: So, a bunch of marigolds then?
 * Elstan: Yes, and while I'm at it I can see how good a gardener you are. Grow those marigolds in this flower patch here from seed to flower, pick them and give them to me, and I'll give you some delphinium seeds.
 * Player: Okay, I'll grow you some marigolds.
 * Player: No, I don't have time to do that.
 * Player: Are you sure you don't just want to give me the seeds now?
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Elstan II

 * Player: I have those marigolds for you.
 * Elstan: Ah, fantastic - Lyra will surely be mine now! Here you go mate, here's those delphinium seeds you were after. Yes, here you go - I hope they grow for you.
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Bernald I

 * Bernald: Do you know anything about grapevine diseases?
 * Player: I might - what's the problem?
 * Bernald: You see those grapevines over there?
 * Player: Yes. They don't look too happy at the moment.
 * Bernald: They've come down with some strange disease that I've never encountered before. I've tried everything with them, but nothing seems to work. If it carries on like this I will lose all this year's crops.
 * Player: I could probably help you with that, but I'd need something in return.
 * Bernald: Anything, you just need to ask!
 * Player: Well, I'd like a supply of Burthorpe Vine seeds.
 * Bernald: I'm afraid I can't do that.
 * Player: I thought you said anything!
 * Player: But it is the only way that these vines will be cured.
 * Bernald: Hmm, you may be right. If I lose these crops what use are more seeds to me, when I have gone out of business? Very well then, this is the deal - cure my vines and I will give you some Burthorpe Vine seeds.
 * Player: I accept the deal.
 * Bernald: Oh, thank you! Please speak to me again when you've cured the vines and, hence, saved my livelihood and an important part of Burthorpe's history.
 * Player: Actually, it seems like a lot of hard work for nothing.

Bernald II

 * Bernald: Plant cure not doing the trick, eh?
 * Player: I don't understand - it's worked with everything else.
 * Bernald: That grapevine disease must be much stronger than the usual. You'll need something a bit more potent to cut out that infection.
 * Player: Do you know of any stronger cures?
 * Bernald: No, I don't - but I know of a man who might. Not far from here there's a druid gardener who goes by the name of Alain. He's an expert on things like this, so they tell me.
 * Player: Why didn't you just go and ask him yourself?
 * Bernald: These vines are very precious indeed. I could not hazard the risk that someone would steal my grapes while I was away - they may be diseased, but they still contain Burthorpe vine seeds.

Alain

 * Player: I need to ask you about strong plant cures.
 * Alain: Well, then, you've come to the right person - I researched exotic plant diseases as part of my druidic training. What is the affliction that you need to cure?
 * Player: Bernald has got some seriously diseased grapevines. I tried plant cure on them, but it didn't seem to have any positive effect.
 * Alain: Ah, so is this the famous Burthorpe Vine?
 * Player: The very one.
 * Alain: I'm afraid that my research did not extend to Burthorpe vine. Bernald and his ancestors have always closely guarded their heritage. In fact, I'm surprised that he has involved you. Although I am pretty sure that it is a sign of how desperate he must be. Those vines were all burned or eaten by the trolls when they invaded, after all. If the vine is sick he must be at the end of his teather.
 * Player: Er, I did have some...assistance with persuading him.
 * Alain: I see. Well, if it involves some unnatural power I would rather not know. I prefer the use of power that can be brought forth from the plants around us.
 * Player: Are you sure there's nothing you can suggest?
 * Alain: Well... There is one thing you could try. One of the most potent cures I have discovered involves using the natural power held within a very special mineral, but it is a very closely guarded secret.
 * Player: Do you mean the rune essence?
 * Alain: You know of that?!? Then I can do no further harm here. You can make a potent plant cure by mixing some crumbled rune essence into a normal plant cure. This may possibly cure Bernald's vines.
 * Player: Thank you Alain, I will try it out immediately!
 * Player: You're hiding something from me.
 * Alain: This is the power you are abusing!! I feel it now - it emanates from the ring you wear, a festering fountain of corruption that appalls my very soul!!!
 * Player: Oh, sorry. I forgot that it only works on the weak-minded.
 * Alain: You, [Player], are the one who must be weak-minded, if you consider using such a dreadful weapon. Beware - it may one day be your downfall.
 * Player: Would you look after my crops for me?
 * Player: Can you give me any farming advice?
 * Player: Can you sell me something?
 * Player: That's all, thanks.

Bernald III

 * Bernald: Have you spoken to Alain yet?
 * Player: Yes. He has given me some knowledge so that I can make a more potent plant cure.
 * Bernald: Let's hope that it does the job, then.

Bernald IV

 * Bernald: My vines are cured! You have worked a wonder here, [Player]! Here, you can have those seeds like I promised. Yes, here you go - I hope they grow for you.

Checking in with Ellamaria

 * Player: How am I supposed to move statues all the way here?
 * Ellamaria: You use the dormant object that lies between your ears, that's how. A statue may be far too heavy to carry, but simplicity itself to push.
 * Player: Push?
 * Ellamaria: Yes peasant, push. Here - take this trolley. You can use it to push the statues here.
 * Player: What am I supposed to be getting again?
 * Ellamaria: Haven't you got that list I gave you?
 * Player: Er ... yes I do have a list...
 * Ellamaria: Well read it then! That should tell you everything you need to know!!
 * Player: Will these patches need much in the way of watering?
 * Ellamaria: Well, you are supposed to be the gardener here, but I would say not. One had the soil imported from an extremely fertile area at great cost - watering should not be necessary one would have thought.

Falador Massacre

 * Player: (Hmm. I'd better not let those guards see me...)
 * Meanwhile... Billy, a new recruit of the Falador Guard, has just arrived for his first shift guarding Falador's north gate...
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: So, what are you doing this weekend?
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: This weekend? You haven't been here long, I take it?
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: What do you mean?
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: Do you know the life expectancy of a guard here?
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: No. How long is it?
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: About thirty seconds, I reckon.
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: Thirty seconds? They didn't tell me that when I signed up!
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: Any second now, someone is going to attack us for no apparent reason, completely unprovoked.
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: But why, Bob? What have we ever done to them?
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: I don't know, Billy. I just don't know. But I'm not wasting my final seconds worrying about it.
 * Meanwhile... (shows your character fiddling with the statue)
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: Uhoh, someone's coming...
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: Bob?
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: Steady, Billy. Remember that you are a guard of Falador.
 * Billy, a guard of Falador: But...
 * Bob, another guard of Falador: See you in the next world...

Back in the Garden

 * Player: Well, I think that's everything...
 * Ellamaria: One finds that hard to believe. Out of my way, let me see for myself. Oh yes, very nice, if a little yobbish. Rollie will be so pleased-
 * Player: Rollie?!?
 * Ellamaria: You will address my husband by his proper title!!!!! Speaking of whom, I think it is time that we brought him to see his new garden. And when one says we, one means you.
 * Player: Oh, you want me to go and get Roald - sorry ... King Roald ... and bring him here. Fair enough, wait here then, I'll be back in a mo.

Getting the King

 * Player: Hello there. Would you like to follow me for a minute?
 * King Roald: Follow you?!? I am the King! I am the followed, not the follower!!
 * Player: Well, if you can't be bothered then neither can I.
 * King Roald: Suit yourself.
 * Player: No, you suit yourself.
 * King Roald: You're quite argumentative for a peasant.
 * Player: I'm not the one who's arguing, you are.
 * King Roald: Then why do you keep answering me back?
 * Player: No, you're answering me back. Well, stop talking and I'll stop answering.
 * King Roald: No, you stop talking.
 * Player: I have stopped talking.
 * King Roald: No you haven't, you're doing it now.
 * Player: No, I'm just answering what you're saying.
 * King Roald: Okay, so if I don't say anything, you won't answer me back.
 * Player: Suits me.
 * King Roald: Go on, then.
 * Player: No, you first.
 * King Roald doesn't say anything to you.
 * You don't say anything back.
 * King Roald: See, that's better.
 * Player: Yes, much better.
 * King Roald: What were you saying about me following you somewhere?
 * Player: I can't remember, it was such a long time ago.
 * King Roald: Ah, that's a shame - I could have done with a breath of fresh air.
 * Player: Oh well.
 * King Roald: Yes, never mind.
 * Player: See you around.
 * King Roald: Yes, see you later.
 * King Roald: I thought you were going.
 * Player: I was until you spoke to me again.
 * King Roald: I'm sorry, I'll stop speaking to you then.
 * Player: See you around.
 * King Roald: Yes, see you later.
 * Player: Of course, your majesty - please forgive me.
 * King Roald: Forgiveness is something that cannot be earned so easily. And I'm certainly not following you off on some wild goose chase when I have important matters of state to attend to.
 * Player: That's it - I've had it with royalty.
 * King Roald: And I've had enough of peasantry! Get out of my castle!
 * Player: The Queen asked me to bring you.
 * King Roald: Ellie? Now that's a different matter. Lead on, peasant - let's see what my darling wife has been up to now.

Unveiling the Garden

 * King Roald: This is murder on my hayfever, you know...
 * Ellamaria: Ah, Rollie, my love!
 * King Roald: What have you been up to now, pumpkin?
 * Ellamaria: Behold: your new garden!
 * King Roald: Have you been spending my money again?
 * Player: Here's some orchids from Morytania.
 * King Roald: Orchids bring me out in a rash.
 * Player: One of the last Burthorpe vine plants!
 * King Roald: Oh, great, let's hope they don't eat into the walls.
 * Player: Snowdrops from Ardougne!
 * King Roald: What a boring colour.
 * Player: The last surviving white tree!
 * King Roald: Should make a nice table and chairs.
 * Player: Delphiniums from Falador!
 * King Roald: I hate delphiniums.
 * Ellamaria: Rollie?
 * King Roald: Yes, pumpkin?
 * Ellamaria: One has gone to great pains to provide you with this beautiful garden... YOU COULD SHOW ONE A LITTLE GRATITUDE!
 * Player: Actually, I think I did most of the wor-
 * Ellamaria: SILENCE! Well? Are you going to thank one, Rollie?
 * King Roald: Pumpkin, I-
 * Ellamaria: SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
 * King Roald: Thank you very much, my darling. It's a, er, beautiful garden. Really it is.
 * Ellamaria: Much better. Now, get back to the castle and rule our kingdom - there's a good monarch.
 * King Roald: Yes, pumpkin.

A Grateful Queen

 * Ellamaria: Excuse my husband, he can be so rude sometimes.
 * Player: Only sometimes?
 * Ellamaria: Are you being rude again ... ? Yes, and that's all he deserves! Here you go, your help here has proved invaluable.