Postie Pete/dialogue

These are a series of conversations one may have with Postie Pete or witness him having with another NPC.

Player and NPCs
Postie Pete will stop and talk with players if they speak with him. What he says depends on the location they encounter him at.

If a player tries to speak to him as he is leaving, they will receive a message that says, "Postie Pete is preparing to teleport somewhere else, distracting him could have some terrible side effects."

However, if a player is already speaking to Postie Pete when he teleports away, the conversation will not be interrupted, and the player will turn to face his new location, giving them a clue as to where he has gone.

Player (A)
Player: "Hey Postie Pete how's it going?"

Postie: "I was just trying to get some wise words of wisdom from the Oracle, You know, she's been here a long time"

Player: "Yes, I thought as much, what did she have to say?"

Postie: "First she said, "I am the Oracle. And when I open my lips, let no dog bark"!"

Player: "I see. And then what?"

Postie: "I didn't know she was familiar with the works of Shakespeare. So I said 'Et tu, brute?'"

Player: "And then?"

Postie: "Well then she started pointing to Ardougne and rambling on about betrayal!"

Barmaid at The Laughing Miner
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: 4 pints of your finest please.

Barmaid: 4 pints coming right up. Are you expecting guests?

Postie: Just a few old friends.

Barmaid: You want me to put it on your tab?

Postie: That would be great, thanks. Oh, cripes! I've left a fire burning! I've got to go!

Pirate Pete
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Hey Pete. Any news from the fleet?

Pirate Pete: No yo ho bruv.

Pirate Pete: ’Tis all quiet on the eastern front.

Postie: Good good.

Postie: Well you know what to do if something goes wrong.

Pirate Pete: Aye, that I do, bruv.

Pirate Pete: Holler like a bosun without a bottle.

Postie: That’s it brother, and we’ll come a running!

Reldo
Postie Pete: Anyone got post?

Postie: Reldo, have you found that book I was looking for yet?

Reldo: No, not yet… but I know I’ve seen it somewhere…

Reldo: …come back later.

Postie: Sure, no problems. See you later.

Reldo: Bye! Say hi to the other Petes for me.

Postie: Will do. Farewell!

Party Pete
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Hey Bro, how’s the party business?

Party Pete: Great! Thanks!

Party Pete: Celebrating weddings and drop parties…

Party Pete: …and getting paid for it!

Postie: Nice. Well I’m here to talk to some white knights.

Party Pete: Want to take some cake with you?

Postie: No thanks, I’m still dieting.

Postie: Just seafood for me.

Oracle
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Well I’m back. And he said no. Again.

Oracle: Lemons? Both of them?

Postie: Lemons? What are you talking about?

Oracle: Fragile! Do not bend!

Postie: I swear you get stranger every time.

Postie: Ok, I’ll ask again.

Notterazzo
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Psssst! How is the plan going?

Notterazzo: Perfectly. Everyone is prepared.

Postie: Great. Now don’t forget- nobody does anything until I give the signal.

Notterazzo: Sure no problem. We’ll be waiting.

Postie: ‘Till next time. Farewell.

Parroty Pete
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Hi Pete!

Postie: Mum wants to know if you’re coming round for tea.

Parroty Pete: No. I’ve got another late night here.

Parroty Pete: Ol’ blue beak’s got the flu again!

Postie: Oh dear. Nothing too serious I hope.

Parroty Pete: Well as long as he hasn’t caught anything from that evil chicken.

Postie: Got a taste for parrots now too does he?

Postie: *Sigh* Will nothing sacred be safe?

Lanthus
Postie: Anyone got post?

Postie: Fight! Fight! ...Fight!

Lanthus: Easy Pete, calm down. Don't lose your head!

Postie: Cheeky!! If you're not carful I'll get you cursed too.

Lanthus: You wouldn't catch me double-crossing a witch!

Postie: But which witch is which! Anyway, I'm late for an appointment with the oracle

Lanthus: Take care and say hi to the kids for me.

Postie Pete's jokes
The joke: "Two birds are sitting on a perch. One says to the other 'Do you smell fish?'"

The meaning: A perch is a type of fish.

Q – What happens if you right-click and ‘Use’ your own belly?

A – Nothing intestine happens.

Postie Pete at a POH (@ Pollnivneach)
Pete: Hi [player name], I just made a delivery at your Player owned house, I put a note on the portal.

Player: Oh, thanks Pete.

Pete: No thanks necessary, [player name]. Now, I have more post to deliver!

Player: See toy around!